I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
