9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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