and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
