This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
