I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
