Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I supernannyed him into submission
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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