am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
