I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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