she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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