Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
