yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
