Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
