I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
