the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
