And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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