Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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