you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
