How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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