I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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