Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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