She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
