I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
