Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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