Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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