We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
