he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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