EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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