Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
