hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
