we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
