matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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