I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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