whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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