i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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