i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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