There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
