when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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