Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
