Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
