Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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