It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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