so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
