i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
