All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
