We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
