so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
