It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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