I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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