So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
