he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
