Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
