my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
