I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
