Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
