im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
