i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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