honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
