Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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