eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
