No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
