explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
