Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
