Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
