Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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