Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
