Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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