I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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