my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
