i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
