My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
