At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
