Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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