Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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