my mouth tastes like poor choices
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
