so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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