I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
