i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
