Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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