That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
